Wisdom, random missives, and intellectual dry heaves.
Daily Self Esteem: At any given moment, you are doing the best you can do. Give yourself some credit.
Daily Corporate Gibberish: Follow the path of the data.
Daily Help Desk Solution: Well that doesn’t make sense, does it?
Daily 419 Scam Personality or Saying: So feel free and get in touched with my secretary.
Daily Star Trek Wisdom: And nothing shameful about a strategic retreat, either.
Smart middle managers everywhere have been successfully using proper email punctuation for years. Now you can too with these “inside” tips.
Let’s look at some examples:
How are you?
vs.
How are You????????????????????
You see, the second time I REALLY wanted to know how you are. The first time I didn’t care.
Now let’s try this one. What do you think the following means?
“Please come see me.”
Wrong. It actually means “I don’t really want or need you to come see me”.
Now “Please come see me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, that means “I want you to come see me for real and it’s dreadfully important”.
Are you getting the hang of it?
Well are you???????????????????????????
Let’s look at a before and after of a typical email:
Dear Jim,
Where’s the project at?
Lemme know,
Rob
vs.
Dear Jim…………….. (All these periods create a sense of drama.)
Where’s that project at??????????????? (This is the most important question ever.)
LEMME KNOW, (I’m really, really angry.)
Rob (Rob)
Remember, those who punctuate properly don’t get promoted very often.
Now go punctuate for success, not readability………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daily Self Esteem: You are life, and life is precious.
Daily Corporate Gibberish: Globally orchistrate synergy.
Daily Help Desk Solution: I haven’t been trained on that product.
Daily 419 Scam Personality or Saying: A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE
Daily Star Trek Wisdom: I say fight, sir. There is nothing shameful in falling before a superior enemy.
Daily Self Esteem: You are giving yourself permission to fail. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
Daily Corporate Gibberish: New Verticals
Daily Help Desk Solution: It works when I try it.
Daily 419 Scam Personality or Saying: don’t let them know that is money that is in that Box.
Daily Star Trek Wisdom: Seek out new life.
It was Dolly Parton week y’all and soowee and all that. Now I’m all for the aging process. And frankly I like a sexy older woman. Apparently nobody ever told Dolly Parton this as she appears to be on her 5th face lift and the texture of her skin is starting to resemble a George Lucas prop. I hope their is some kind of surgery that can undo plastic surgery. Just age Dolly, you’re a beautiful woman but the knife is not doing you favors.
Brooke white - Jolene: What’s with the Billy Idol lip thing she does? Hadn’t noticed it in previous weeks, hopefully it’s a canker sore or something temporary. The bald man banging on the shoe box was a nice touch. I guess. She sounded good as is typical for her though. Insane Paula Comment - “You are Brooke White”. Thanks, she knew that already.
David Cook - Little Sparrow: Man he’s good. They pretty much forced him to give props to the bands he’s getting his arrangements from. This week he claims to have done it all on his own and well done. Paula is starting to fade a little further into her world.
Ramiele Malubay - Do You Ever Think Of Me: Randy said it was “pretty good” and really that’s all I was thinking the whole time. This is ok, she’s cute, blah blah. She chose to dress like a Japanese school girl which didn’t work for me. Not trying to offend any Japanese school boys that disagree with me.
Jason Castro - Traveling: Ryan was nice enough to let Jason know he’s being stalked via mail. Dolly Parton was nice enough to say he is “Funky looking”. Now I don’t think he can sing. And it looked like he borrowed his shirt and jeans from his sister. And his dreads were doing some medusa snake routine and sticking up all on their own. That being said, when he picks the right song, I rather enjoy him. For him, a very good performance. But just for him.
Carly Smithson - Here you come again: Ok, so she’s going for this elegant, dimly lit, sensitive vibe. But again she’s sleeveless and again all hear is “ARM TAT, RIGHT HERE, LOOK AT ME PLEASE”. She really may as well have a small chimpanzee sitting on her shoulder heaving feces at the camera it’s so distracting. Put some sleeves on, PLEASE. She can sing big, but I still think she yells a bit much. Simon was kind enough to mock her wardrobe, but fell short of telling her to put some sleeves on. Maybe next week.
David Archelleta - Smokey Mountain Memories: Argile sweater, only bad thing. Keep picking your own songs and avoid your insane stage dad (allegedly) and you’ll be fine.
Kristy Lee Cook - Coat of Many Colors: It wouldn’t shock me if she has a deal in place for a country album already. Very nice country performance. And she makes the little man in my pants happy.
Syesha Mercado - I Will Always Love You: (Vanna White was in the audience and looked stunning at 51 or however old she is, wrinkles and all. Pay attention Dolly.) Not bad, huge song obviously. Super long drawn out note at the end was a little self gratuitous. Apparently they make the women take their shoes off when Ryan comes on the stage so they aren’t taller than him. Anyway, just ok, go Sarasota, but if she’s gone next week, no biggie.
Michael Johns - It’s All Wrong But It’s All Right: He’s just not fair. His voice is so freaking amazing, and he’s a good looking dude as well. I’m not even slightly gay but I want him. But seriously, if this guy isn’t a superstar, I don’t know what one is.
Daily Self Esteem: You are not bad if you act bad. You can forgive yourself.
Daily Corporate Gibberish: Empower our resources
Daily Help Desk Solution: Type PING yahoo.com.
Daily 419 Scam Personality or Saying: Step down from the corridors of power.
Daily Star Trek Wisdom: Hit them hard and hit them fast.
I’ve worked with quite a few IT departments in my life, and I’m always amazed when somebody gets the brilliant idea to publish a departmental newsletter. I have no idea what motivates this. Who in the world cares? Would you read an accounts payable departmental newsletter? “10 exciting facts about the check printer”. How about a mailroom newsletter? “How to affix a stamp to an envelope with authority”. Surely you as an employee want to know the “logic” behind our customer numbering scheme (Sorry AR). So what on earth complels us as IT professionals to think anyone gives a hoot about the goings on in technology? We built a new server this week! Jim got some obscure certification! The help desk helped somebody! (Right). I’m just saying here, every other department in the company is smart enough to know better than to produce a newsletter, can we as nerds and our nerd leaders as well as our nerd middle management please just all agree to stop this practice?
Daily Self Esteem: You are adequate, capable of many things.
Daily Corporate Gibberish: Enable transparencies
Daily Help Desk Solution: Shut down completely, wait 15 seconds, then restart.
Daily 419 Scam Personality or Saying: SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER in Europe
Daily Star Trek Wisdom: Enough!
Daily Self Esteem: You are taking more responsibility for your life everyday.
Daily Corporate Gibberish: Conceptual Marketspace
Daily Help Desk Solution: Have you made any hardware or software changes recently?
Daily 419 Scam Personality or Saying: Yours Faithfully, JIM
Daily Star Trek Wisdom: Identify
Daily Self Esteem: You are not bad if you act bad. You can forgive yourself.
Daily Corporate Gibberish: Cutting through the minutia
Daily Help Desk Solution: Is your volume turned up?
Daily 419 Scam Personality or Saying: Hello Dear, I have Paid the fee for your Cheque Draft.
Daily Star Trek Wisdom: Boldly go