The Daily Room

Mall Kiosk Aggression Out of Control

admin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:13:57 +0000

I used to think car salesmen were pushy, but the new champion of in your face cheesy sales tactics is mall hand lotion sales guy. And he’s apparently doing training with the other kiosk operators as they are more aggressive than ever before. Post your worst mall Kiosk aggressive sales tactics experiences so we can hopefully raise awareness about this growing problem.

The Art of Email Punctuation

admin — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 20:15:22 +0000

Smart middle managers everywhere have been successfully using proper email punctuation for years. Now you can too with these “inside” tips.
Let’s look at some examples:

How are you?
vs.
How are You????????????????????

You see, the second time I REALLY wanted to know how you are. The first time I didn’t care.
Now let’s try this one. What do you think the following means?

“Please come see me.”

Wrong. It actually means “I don’t really want or need you to come see me”.

Now “Please come see me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, that means “I want you to come see me for real and it’s dreadfully important”.

Are you getting the hang of it?
Well are you???????????????????????????

Let’s look at a before and after of a typical email:

Dear Jim,
Where’s the project at?
Lemme know,
Rob

vs.

Dear Jim…………….. (All these periods create a sense of drama.)
Where’s that project at??????????????? (This is the most important question ever.)
LEMME KNOW, (I’m really, really angry.)
Rob (Rob)

Remember, those who punctuate properly don’t get promoted very often.
Now go punctuate for success, not readability………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Departmental Newsletter (You’ve lost your mind)

admin — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:27:17 +0000

I’ve worked with quite a few IT departments in my life, and I’m always amazed when somebody gets the brilliant idea to publish a departmental newsletter. I have no idea what motivates this. Who in the world cares? Would you read an accounts payable departmental newsletter? “10 exciting facts about the check printer”. How about a mailroom newsletter? “How to affix a stamp to an envelope with authority”. Surely you as an employee want to know the “logic” behind our customer numbering scheme (Sorry AR). So what on earth complels us as IT professionals to think anyone gives a hoot about the goings on in technology? We built a new server this week! Jim got some obscure certification! The help desk helped somebody! (Right). I’m just saying here, every other department in the company is smart enough to know better than to produce a newsletter, can we as nerds and our nerd leaders as well as our nerd middle management please just all agree to stop this practice?

How many terms can we have for message board?

admin — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:39:48 +0000

It’s a Web 2.0 world people and you need to get educated. Actually I don’t know what Web 2.0 is. I think it’s any web site with Ajax. (No, not the cleaner). But I’m wondering how many Web 2.0 terms we can have for the good old message board. Blog, twitter, chat room, instant messaging, myspace, facebook, blah. Actually, scratch that, how many words can we have for the BBS (Bulletin Board System)? Yes, all this crap predates the internet. Long long ago, we all had dial up modems and connected in a network or web of sorts and posted messages and left comments. And it worked pretty well. I guess everything has come full circle. Hence forth please call refer to my blog as a BBS.

Shower Arts

admin — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 23:13:41 +0000

Just wrote the chorus to an 80s Hair Metal song in the shower:

Love warriors. We’re the fighters of the night. Love warriors. We’re the ones who’ll win the fight. Love warriors.

Your gratitude is assumed, no need to comment.

Can we please make faxing go away?

admin — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:28:33 +0000

It’s hard to find adjectives to effectively describe how I feel about the fax machine. Archaic, horrible, terrible, annoying, slow, stupid, and mind numbingly awful. Well maybe not hard at all. Why is this technology still around? Haven’t we sped up everything exponentially since 1980 when this pig started getting popular? There’s no phrase in the English language that makes me shudder more than “Sign it and fax it back to me”. That or “Do you have a fax machine?”. NO. I DON’T AND I WON’T. So now I have drive to a UPS store and stand there for the 5 minutes it takes a fax to go through to get the stupid TX OK. Oh and pay a dollar a page. If the answer is the fax machine, then the question was not worded properly.

Another in a long list of why I hate car dealerships

admin — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 21:26:52 +0000

The manufacturer of my Honda Accord recommends an oil change at 30,000 miles. My dealership wanted to change the oil, rotate and balance the tires, disassemble and inspect the brakes, replace the belt, swap out the transmission fluid, re-align the headlights, re-apply the undercoating, replace the air filter, replace the fuel filter, clean the throttle body, clean the fuel injectors, clean the gas tank, flush the power steering, flush the cooling system, lube the chassis, clean and repack the wheel bearings, replace the wiper blades, inspect the airbags, lube the key-lock cylinders, lube the steering linkage, inspect the starter, recharge the air conditioner, install a new air freshener, and straighten my Johnson bar. Since when did an oil change become $1900? It’s enough of an ordeal to survive the initial sale with all those tempting options like paint sealant, color keyed accent stripes, leatherola conditioner, etc. I don’t need the same sales pitch from the service department. Just change my freaking oil.

Blister wrap continues to claim victims

admin — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 21:24:08 +0000

Why must everything I buy be packaged in this deadly material? Do we as a society hate our fellow man so much? Do we need a material that when you cut it becomes sharper than whatever your cutting it with? My scars from blister wrap, and there are many, run deep. This is a class action lawsuit that actually makes some sense. If you’re a greasy scumbag trial lawyer, you may have this idea. I only ask my top layer of skin back.